At that point, you can give him permission to take out your daughter. Do not lie to me. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So you might invite the young man, and even his dad, to your home. I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. An in-person visit works best.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do no, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. But to give you some quick insights, let me share with you a few key steps from my experience. You might even ask him to repeat back, in his own words, what your expectations will be. Please do not try to call or write since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury. So I encourage you to make the investment of your time to do these interviews and, someday when your daughter is looking back, she is very likely to be really, really grateful that you did. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Make sure he understands that no alcohol or drugs should ever be involved. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. Hockey games are okay. If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Old folk's homes are better. But for most of us, this is serious business and we just need a few simple guidelines to go by. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise:
Video about questionnaire for dating my daughter:
"Application to Date My Daughter" by Special K
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